Fanning the Flames
by Drayle
Summary: Soon to be the best Naruto FanFic of all time. Reading this will make you a Ninja-God, and all your Fanfiction dream shall come true!
1. Chapter 1

Welcome to the prologue section of the fictional works known as 'Fanning the Flames'. In this fiction... You know what screw it.

I like Naruto's World, but I don't like the original works. I think that Fanfiction does a better job concerning the world, the mechanics, and the characters. In most senses, this is correct. However there are many things that FanFic writers do that irk me to no end, and honestly it ticks me off how much of it I see. To that end, I give you this story.

There will be bashing, hate, fire and flames, and outright disregard for character personality and situation. I'm not here to write an epic story, I'm here to vent and to have fun doing it.

This work of fiction is inspired by Insonmiac1's 'Returning the Pain'. I not only love this story, but I agree with most of what he says, to such a point that any fanfiction I write that's not rant worthy or full of crack I JUDGE by his story. So yeah. That should give you some idea where this is going.

So without further wasting of time, let's get started.

* * *

"Hey Sakura-chan! Will you go out on a date with me?"

"BAKA!" WHAM!

"Hey Sakura-chan! Want to hang out and eat some ramen?"

"BAKA!" WHAM!

"Hey Sakura-san. Will you help me find a home for this kitten?"

"BAKA!" WHAM!

* * *

And after the three year training with Jariya, Naruto came back to the village. Once there he met Sakura again, and within the hour she was chasing him down to beat him up again for being a pervert. This style of sadistic abuse was common to Naruto by now, and through some act of God, the two became a couple.

Naruto, being the somewhat clueless guy that he is, makes a remark on Sakura's looks. She takes this as him staring at her much larger than before chest, and the story continues.

"Naruto..." She growled, cracking her knuckles and stalking up to him, a dark shadow behind her promising death and pain.

Naruto gulped. "Y-yes Sakura-chan?"

"BAKAAAAAAA!" Her chakra powered fist flew straight for the blonde's head, at a speed that would surely kill him. Instead, Naruto kicked Sakura, hard, in the gut, sending her back a few feet. The wind knocked out of her, and in shock of what just happened, she was unable to do much as Naruto charged and sent his own fist into her chest, and literally punched her through a wall and into the street. The fox ninja jumped out, and walked over to the downed bitch. Under his breath he muttered "Baka..." then kicked her, harder than before, in the ribs and sent the ragdoll of a body sailing to the Hokage's tower.

A crowd had gathered at that point, and Naruto no-nonchalantly glanced at them.

"What?" he asked like he'd done nothing wrong. "She attacked me. I'm a freaking ninja, I don't have to take hits from her."

* * *

Seriously. What the fudge? In EVERY fanfiction I've ever read, where Naruto has any interaction with Sakura, she beats him up. And this continues forever, there isn't a break in the abuse. My only question is why?

Why does he let her do it? He's faster than her. He's stronger than her. He's honestly strong enough to outdo her and kill her from the get go. Why does he ALWAYS cower in fear of this pink haired piece of crap? It doesn't matter if they are together or not, Sakura will find SOMETHING to hit Naruto about.

And it's more than just that, EVERYONE in the village is okay with this. The Hokages, the teachers, Naruto's quote unquote friends. If I had a buddy who was being beat up on because he talked to a girl, I'd say get away from the issue. The fact that Naruto NEVER in any of the fictions EVER grows a pair and at least dodges the punches are mind-numbingly boggling.

I know in canon he takes it and nothing really comes of it. But in fanfiction you'd think people would stop wanting to see him beat to a pulp so much. I know I would. Here's an idea, Sakura punches at Naruto, he swaps places with a log/rock/someone else. Continue process until Sakura is tired or everyone is bleeding out and she has to be thrown in jail.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 – So THAT'S why it's like that...

It was the late spring, and early summer. The village was in full swing, and Minato was having a grand ole time at the local bar. He, and all the clan heads (Hyuuga included, surprisingly) were all celebrating... something. History wasn't very clear on this particular date. It was late in the evening, and all the guys were sloshed.

"Hiashi... hic... I love ya man!" The Hokage had his arm around the Hyuuga leader, and his face was red. Hiashi himself was also hammered, arm around Minato's shoulder, and a bottle of sake in the other hand. "I luff you too Boss!"

"Hey, I jus had dis greeeeaaat Idea! How bout we all hass kids at the same time?"

"That's a cool idea Hokage-sauna!" Yanamaka slurred, from his place on the floor.

"Yeah! We could like... all do it! And our kidsh would all go to school together!" said one equally drunk and downed Fugaku Uchiha.

"Yeah! Letsh do that!"

And afterwords, all the Clan heads staggered home, and proceeded to boink their wives on the same night.

* * *

Naruto thought for a while, then shook his head, glancing at Jariya. "Naw. I don't buy it."

"That's how it happened, I swear!"

* * *

So yeah... What the heck? How on earth was it that ALL the major clans had kids around the same exact time, so they all could enter school and be in the same class? I mean... Really? That's just messed up and weird.

Funny though. I like to imagine all the mothers at this time, all going through cravings at the same time. THAT would be a funny fic to read.


End file.
